The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Words cannot express the gratitude I feel towards the experience of reading "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett.

I cried throughout the book.  Of course, as most of you know, tears come pretty easy and, thus, this is probably not surprising.   I cried as Aibileen is telling Mae Mobley that she is a person of substance.  Feeling "less than" is so debilitating.  Finding a way to help someone realize that they are worthy - that is giving someone their life.  

I was in a coffee shop trying to cry as quietly as possible as my heart was breaking.  It's breaking because this is a past that is not taught in every school.  It is a past that people want to say is over because we have elected a black president.  It's breaking because I know I am the beneficiary of the love those ladies showed to the families for whom they worked.  Through their love, these ladies worked to create a better world.

I cried at the end, of course.  I was so mad that Aibileen lost her job.  I was happy that she was given the job of writing the Miss Myrna column.  I was mad that she would continue to not get any credit.  I was touched by the signed copy of the book that the church gave to Aibileen and to Skeeter.  It was the maids who were in the most danger, but the community appreciated that Skeeter gave them an avenue to be heard.  It all felt like progress ... but I wanted more, I wanted better.

While I cannot change the past - I can reaffirm my commitment to the future and say thank you wholeheartedly to all who have worked for change.  I admit that racism and class-ism are not a thing of the past, but occur today.  I hope I can love my neighbor as those maids loved.  

An Innocent escape from being here right now

Chapter 3  Here: Starting Right Now

Here am I, send me.  Here am I, send me.  Lord I can see people, people who need comfort.  Here am I, Lord.  Won't you send me?

I don't want to sound full of myself, but I do not usually find it difficult to be here/present in the moment. 

Although I must admit that my understanding of presence is heavily influenced by two things: 1.  What I need to be able to do to be fully present and 2. discussions of feminist theory and technology.  Let me start with the second influence.  I do believe that most women constantly multitask (better than most men).  I find that I quite enjoy multitasking.  This means that sometimes being fully present may mean that I have my mind on multiple things that are occurring in one space.  My thoughts on technology include a belief that while technology can serve as a distraction, it can also be used to say "I am present".  Take the four-square application for smart phones.  What better way is there to say "I am here" than to check in and let people know that?  I actually feel a small amount of disappointment when I forget to check in somewhere.  Technology (aka my iPhone) can also serve as the conduit for connection that could be the grounding a person needs to be complete  (ie. and I know this sounds like a justification but sometimes it's better to be able to check in on the score of the Colts game than to have to be distracted by knowing the game is on and constantly wondering what the score is.  Yes, technically that game is being played elsewhere - but the point is I am "here" and knowing the score will help keep me so). 

I say all this to admit that my notion of being present may not be what other people call to mind when the topic of being here/being present is discussed.  When the idea of being fully present was discussed in my counseling courses, for instance, I found that being "fully present" was often synonymous with "holding lengthy concentration".  I was learning therapy techniques, so "being here" meant answering the question: How could I make sure that the client felt that I was present for them in the therapy room?  The answers discussed different notions on how we could create a safe space for the client.  One answer we discussed at length was about becoming an "empty vessel" that the client could unload their baggage into.  One answer that was rarely (never?) discussed was the idea of just being wholly ourselves in the therapy room.  Having the strength of conviction to say by our presence in the therapy room: "here I am, I'm by no means perfect, but I believe I have something to offer you which, should you choose to grab it and take it away from this meeting, might enhance your quality of life".  Telling your own story was something you could do but it was always supposed to be a controlled revelation to the client.  Something about all that control didn't sit well with me.  (And if you know me - you know I will openly admit to having control issues - so it's a big thing for me to say that something sounds too controlled.)

So what does it mean to say "Here am I"? 

"Here" is the first word that Brian D. McLaren talks about in his book "Naked Spirituality: A life with God in 12 simple words".  His rational for doing so is fantastic.  He had originally thought about starting with the word "God" but realized that even the name "God" is merely a symbolic representation.  He discusses a poem by C.S. Lewis titled "Footnote to All Prayers", where C.S. Lewis recognizes that the name "God" is a symbol for God.  By praying to that symbol "we may falsely assume that our idea of God is identical to God, that the real God 'out there' is no bigger than and no different from the idea that we have 'in here' in our heads"(33) .  By focusing on the word "here", McLaren hopes to help us live a life that is ever growing in our understanding of God right here and our relationship to God right here.  The end of the poem refers to the idea that " if we aim our arrow-prayers towards the bull's-eyes of our conceptual target -- at our limited ideas of God instead of beyond and above our ideas - our prayers will simply arc back down into the dirt.  Our only hope is that God finds our arrows [prayers] mid-flight and magnetically draws them to their intended destination"(33). 

I love this image of arrows because there is a notion of time implicit in the analogy.  Even if it takes mere seconds to hit a target, there is a gap between when an arrow is released and when it strikes.  The "here" of the moment I said the prayer and the "here" of the moment God responds to that prayer are different.  Therefore, prayers are very future driven.  And I love love love discussions of the future.  I thrive on asking myself the question: How can I make the person I am better tomorrow than I am today?  I'm very optimistic that the future will be better - though, honestly, I sometimes wonder how (if we keep destroying the earth, will there even be future life on earth?  But I digress).  The power of prayer is amazing!  This being said, one thing that a very smart woman once told me (though I questioned the wisdom at the time) is that a constant focus on the future can be a form of avoidance for the "here and now".  I'm still not entirely sold on this notion, but I do appreciate the idea that I could be using the idea of "better future Megan" as a way to not have to live with the reality of "less-better current Megan".  I still make the argument that the only way to actually better one's self is to acknowledge flaws and work towards a better vision - and that better vision can only be created in the present.  That being said, the focus on the future as the lens through which to view my current state could be a way to avoid really looking at who I am "here".  And, since I don't want to live in avoidance, I plan (see that future word) to take some time this week (yes, I also mean right "here" and now) to remove the "future" lens and just be "here" with God.

Being here with God is the only way I can sing this song:

Here am I, send me.  Here and I, send me.  Lord, I can see people.  People who need comfort.  Here am I, Lord.  Won't you send me.

Naked Spirituality: Part 1 of quite a few

I'm sure there's an irony in the fact that I said I was going to do a lenten practice and did so for a whole two days.  Hopefully anyone reading this has found my word to be better than that, at least on average.

Jeremy and I have started attending regularly Mission Gathering church (missiongathering.com).   The church is reading a book titled "Naked Spirituality: A Life With God in 12 Simple Words" by Brian D. McLaren.  Jeremy and I bought the book and I started reading it ... about 10 minutes ago.  Something about the idea of doing something regularly brought me back around to this blog.  Therefore, here I am.  Here's to seeing if this time the practice will last longer than 2 days!

Before we get started in the book, I have to admit that I have my misgivings.  I don't want to sound too full of myself, especially because if it weren't for my husband pointing this out, I wouldn't have noticed it, but I am already fairly ritualized and (dare I say) open with God.  I journal daily(ish).  I read the Bible daily(ish).  I pray daily(ish). I meditate/run daily(ish).  While every moment of my journaling or meditation/running is not necessarily focused on God, the fact that I do these things is a testament to my relationship with God.   I do them because I know I am more open with God, myself, and others when I do them.  To put it more selfishly, I do them because I have learned that I feel better when I do them consistently.  Let us not forget, though, that I resonate with John Wesley and his desire to always be striving for perfection.  Therefore, I sometimes don't realize when I am doing something right until someone else points it out to me.  This is because I am always focusing on where I can do better (read: I can always see where I have fallen short of my original goal).   Back to the misgivings though ... and let me be specific here:  My misgivings come from the fear that this book is going to suggest I do things that I've already tried (read failed) or am already doing (read: not quite doing daily).  I don't want to be bored.  I want books of this nature to be like sermons - I'm looking for a mixture of agreement and pushing my boundaries.  I don't want to be made to feel guilty.  I already know actual daily practice will probably make me feel even better.

The first three chapters have exceeded my expectations.  I've laughed, already cried a little (which, as many of you know is probably to be expected), and I've embraced many of his thoughts.  Here are a few quotes that caught my attention:   

"In the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus talks about turning the other cheek and walking the second mile, he says that if someone takes you to court, suing you for your overcoat, you might as well give them your other clothes too (Matt.  5:38-41), implying, (I think) that in so doing your self-exposure will serve to expose the heartless greed of your opponent" (vi).

"So you might say that good religion is about connecting us together again" (14).  

"Together, we and God are like an elderly couple, bound together through a lifetime of joy and heartache, holding hands with one we love and with whom we have shared everything.  ... So little needs to be said as we sit together looking at the sea, watching the waves roll in.  We start with one kind of simplicity, and we'll someday arrive at a second simplicity that has much in common with the first, but has been deepened, broadened, and strengthened through all we've experienced and endured in between" (28).

I'm not going to elaborate on the quotes, except to say that the last one is a beautiful reminder to me that each little act may not bring about that feeling of knowing that I am connected with God but that when I do get the feeling it will be, in part, because of the small actions I am taking now.  My faith has not been one of being able to say, "that was my moment of rebirth".  My faith is one of being able to say, "I can't remember a time when I did not know God".  Neither of these quotes is better to be able to say than the other.  Each comes with it's own set of worries and fears.  One could say that once you have met God, the rest of life is about maintaining that relationship. 

Day 2

Don't forget - we lose an hour of sleep tonight!

Daily Bible: November 2

Scripture read today: Mark 14:53-65; Matthew 26:57-68; Mark 14:66-72; Matthew 26:69-75; Luke 22:54-62; John 18:25-27; Mark 15:1; Matthew27:1-2; Luke 22:66-71; Matthew 27:3-10

Jesus is sentenced to death. Peter denies Jesus not once, not twice, but three times. Lastly, Judas hangs himself.

Big words - words directly from the mouth of Jesus - are what ultimately serve as the sentence to death for Jesus. However, what struck me was how hard the government worked to find reason to sentence Jesus to death. They brought in all these liars to come up with good reasons to kill him. The problem with liars is that they were eventually caught in their lie. It made me wonder - if the liars had done a better job, would Jesus have spoken to say that he would be seated at the right hand of the father? In other words, was Jesus forced to say what he did because he knew it would be inflammatory enough to get what he was looking for - a death sentence?

Can you imagine what that situation must have been like? Imagine a modern-day courtroom. You're being charged with murder and it comes with a death sentence. The prosecution has presented their case and it is riddled with holes. They have no case. Yet, you know you are guilty. Do you present the court with the evidence of your guilt? Or, do you say to yourself "they didn't do their job well" and take the not guilty verdict?

Now, of course, we have the modern benefit of understanding the full story of Jesus and the resurrection. And we can only assume that Jesus understood what was to happen to. That being said - Jesus is in the above situation. His "get out of jail free card" was presented to him - no one could even lie well enough to create a case against him! He could have walked away. He does not do this though, he gives them the case and is handed the "guilty" verdict.

I'm back!

It never ceases to amaze me how I can have something on my internal "to do list" for hours, days, weeks, months, or even years and it still will never get done. Yes, I have never entirely forgotten about the fact that I had this blog and that I have been meaning to provide some sort of update.

My mind is filled with things I have meant to say - some sort of update on life or on how my job was going. It's also filled with things that I still hope to say - I do actually have a plan for how I will be able to write every day. At the moment though, I am watching the coverage of the tsunami and earthquake damage in Japan and the coastline in CA. I feel I cannot go on without expressing my prayers for all who are impacted by this natural disaster - all who have lost a loved one, a friend, everything they own, a place to work, land, a place of memories, etc. May those who have been impacted be able to find their basic needs taken care of and comfort for their pain.

I'm a few days late for starting something for lent but I've started everything a little late this year. I had a bad ear infection over the New Year and I had a bad fever that I could only keep down with medication on Ash Wednesday. Therefore, I'm learning that late is often better than never. I've never been very good at giving something up for lent - for example if I give up a food item up after a week or two I forget that I cared that much about the given food and find something else to replace it. Therefore, the past few years I've been trying to add practices to my life during Lent that make me a more well rounded person. This year I have decided to blog every day as part of my journaling practice. I am reading the Bible every day - the "One Year Chronological Bible: The entire New Living Translation in 365 daily reading arranged in the order the events actually occurred."

Let me be honest - I've been reading this Bible for about 3 years now. Therefore, I'll be starting this practice on what is labeled "November 1" in the book. Here is the scripture I'll be reading today:

John 18:1-2; Mark 14:32-42; Matthew 26:36-46; Luke 22:39-46; Mark 14:43-52; Matthew 26: 47-56; Luke 22:47-53; John 18:3-24

What you'll find is that due to the chronological nature of the layout of this Bible, I will be reading the same aspect of the story of Jesus from each Gospel. Ironically, this will be starting with Jesus in the garden/grove of Gethsemane.

In Gethsemane, Jesus says "Please take this suffering from me. Yet I want your will, not mine." This line stood out to me today, because I read it differently than I did in the past. In the past I always read it as though Jesus was conflicted. On the one hand, Jesus understands that he is about to be put to death on a cross and he knows it will be painful and lives in some fear of that path and is asking God for a different plan. On the other hand, Jesus knows that he is following the path that God has highlighted and Jesus trusts God over himself to know which path is best. However, when I read this passage today, I read it as though Jesus is saying to God, "I'm doing this for you but could you please take away my suffering while I do it"?

I'm sure I heard it this way because I had a similar prayer last night. I was up worrying about things I need to do today. I know what it is I need to do but it's not going to be very pleasant. Therefore, I was praying to God to ease my anxiety, let me sleep, so that no matter how things went down today I could act as God would like me to act. It would often be easier to do the things I need to do if there was less anxiety surrounding those things.

I also found it interesting that Jesus asks his disciples to keep watch. Does Jesus not trust himself at first? Does Jesus trust himself by the end because through his prayers and through watching the Disciples he knows he has the strength to do what comes next?

The kiss from Judas caught my attention today in a new way also. It is interesting to me because it means that the guards that are with Judas will not recognize Jesus from among his disciples. I always think that Jesus was a somehow notable figure. When Jesus traveled, many followed asking for healing. I would think this would make one a recognizable. However, this obviously must not be the case. And maybe he was - to those who needed him. However, he may not have been recognizable to others. There was actually some question as to which one of the men who travel together is Jesus. What if Judas had chickened out and kissed the wrong guy?