I can no longer stay silent.

Hello everyone!

It has literally been years since I have published to this blog.  I started this blog at a time when my life had changed so beautifully drastically that I wasn't sure how to define who I was - who I am.  I posted inconsistently for years - sharing random thoughts and sometimes dabbling in becoming a fashion blog or a book blog or trying to find another niche that might be of interest or intrigue or would otherwise increase my readership/engagement. 

If I'm 100% honest with you - my life is at another place where I'm struggling to define who I am.  Parts of what I can only call my "assumed identity" are in question/flux/on delay and I find myself feeling as I did back when I started this blog.

You may wonder what I mean by "assumed identity."  It's a term I'm making up.  I'm a psychologist by training and, let's be honest, much like the philosophy we stemmed from, we make up our own language as we go along.  My "assumed identity" is the identity I projected in to the future.  I may not have even been aware that I was projecting a future image of myself, but as I age I bump up against these things that I assumed I would do in my future and while I consciously never gave whatever that was an age - it somehow matters NOW that I'm not fulfilling that image.  When I notice that I'm feeling this way, I realize that I can internalize everything I'm feeling - or I can share it.  It's through the sharing that my life is enhanced.  

I'm also re-starting this blog because I need an outlet for my voice.  I simply can no longer remain silent.  I need an outlet that is larger than 140 characters (or whatever number of characters twitter allows now).  An outlet where I can think things through, an outlet where I can say how disappointed I am in the President of the United States and his twitter feed.  An outlet where I can say how disappointed I am in the "Christian Church" for where it continues to exclude and stays too silent on issues of justice for all.  An outlet where I can highlight where I see that Christians and/or non-Christians are doing the work of bringing heaven to earth now.  An outlet to share with you my addictions, my creative outlets, my life.  I'll be doing all the things that the experts tell me I shouldn't do - I'm not going to focus on a niche - I'm just going to post things that mean something to me.

So prepare for snark.  Prepare for analysis.  Prepare for randomness.  And if you get a moment to drop a line - to tell me that you're here - I'd love to hear from you!

So much love to you all,

~Megan~

BirchBox - June

I got my July Birchbox in the mail yesterday, so it seems it is about time for me to review the June Birchbox.

This box was fun to open, as I loved the post cards.  I've already used one of them because they're perfect for just about anything.

Let's start with what is closest in the picture - the Klorane Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk.  I do not use dry shampoo very often so I haven't had a chance to try this yet.  (See my post on stress and pressure and you'll see why I haven't needed a dry shampoo for a little while.)

The next one as you look further away is the Mirenesse Glossy Kiss - shade Perfect Kiss - this is my favorite Birchbox find yet!  I feared it was going to be too pink ... but it's the perfect shade of pink/coral.  I love the color, I love the application.  It comes at a hefty price, but since it is my new go-to color, I may have to purchase it.  It is long lasting without being a stain (most of the stains I have tried either peel or flake off in unflattering ways).

The middle one is the Suki Exfoliate Foaming Cleanser - I really like a foaming cleanser and this one is all natural (vegan).  It is also exfoliating.  I have sensitive skin, so I only exfoliate once a week.  I will be sad when I run out of this cleanser.

In the back and on the right is the ColorClub Wanderlust Collection.  This nail polish is a super fun color, and it's a color that I would not have purchased for myself, so that made wearing it a little anxiety provoking for me.  However, I did receive a lot of compliments.  It peeled off relatively easily and all in one piece.  I sometimes appreciate the simplicity of nail polish coming off all in one piece; however, I have found that it does not last very long when that is the case.  I have been perfecting the art of painting my own nails, however, so I do need to try this polish again before I say if it is the polish that is at fault, or my application of it.

Last, but not least, is the 100% Pure Nourishing Body Cream - in coconut and vanilla bean.  I am dying to try the green apple.  I like the smell of coconut and vanilla ... but I'm not a huge fan of smelling what I call "kitchen-y sweet" and any scent that is associated with cookies makes me think of that.  (I know, green apples can also be found in the kitchen, but fruit is a different category for me.)  That being said, I loved the product enough that I was happy to use the Vanilla scent, though that is not my favorite.  This goes on very smooth, is not overly greasy, and the greasy feeling that does occur is very short lived.

Upon my initial opening of my July box, I am very excited!  I'll talk about it in a month after I've really had a chance to use the products.

**Disclaimer** Birchbox has no idea who I am, other than one of their many customers.  I pay for this service. I do not work for any skin care/makeup companies.  I do not get any money or free products for my opinions.

You are not alone.

This blog is called "Defining Megan".  That name was originally created during a time in my life when I wasn't sure what it meant to be Megan Fackenthal.  At that time, I was recently married, had just completed my dual master's program, and had moved across the country.  None of the old labels I had used to define myself (ex. student, Hoosier) fit and none of the new ones (ex. wife, Californian) felt authentic.  It was a trying time and I created this blog as a place to process through that with friends who were across the country.

Five years have gone by, but I decided not to change the blog name.  I now see each of these posts as my way of sharing a little bit of myself with you.  Some part of each post says something about who I am.  

Today, I want to share the lyrics to "Carry On" by Fun.  I've been loving Fun. since the album Some Nights first came out.  (In other words, I'm not just jumping on the Fun. wagon, I have been on the wagon for a while.)  I feel I could sing the songs for years without paying attention to the lyrics because of the musical talent in each song.  However, the lyrics are so amazing that it's worth paying special attention to them.  

"Carry On" lyrics:

Well I woke up to the sound of silence 

The cries were cutting like knives in a fist fight 

And I found you with a bottle of wine 

Your head in the curtains 

And heart like the fourth of July 

You swore and said 

We are not 

We are not shining stars 

This I know 

I never said we are 

Though I've never been through hell like that 

I've closed enough windows 

To know you can never look back 

If you're lost and alone 

Or you're sinking like a stone 

Carry on 

May your past be the sound 

Of your feet upon the ground 

Carry on 

Carry on, carry on 

So I met up with some friends 

At the edge of the night 

At a bar off 75 

And we talked and talked 

About how our parents will die 

All our neighbours and wives 

But I like to think 

I can cheat it all 

To make up for the times I've been cheated on 

And it's nice to know 

When I was left for dead 

I was found and now I don't roam these streets 

I am not the ghost you want of me 

If you're lost and alone 

Or you're sinking like a stone 

Carry on 

May your past be the sound 

Of your feet upon the ground 

Carry on 

My head is on fire 

But my legs are fine 

Cause after all they are mine 

Lay your clothes down on the floor 

Close the door 

Hold the phone 

Show me how 

No one's ever gonna stop us tonight 

Cause we are 

We are shining stars 

We are invincible 

We are who we are 

On our darkest day 

When we're miles away 

Sun will come 

We will find our way home 

If you're lost and alone 

Or you're sinking like a stone 

Carry on 

May your past be the sound 

Of your feet upon the ground 

Carry on 

My favorite part of these lyrics is that they highlight the fact that we are not alone.  

What lyrics or songs are speaking to you these days?

Pressure and Stress

Does this describe you?

(picture from: http://bloggingbehavioral.blogspot.com/2011/07/on-relieving-stress.html)

Or, do you ever feel like this?

(picture from: http://www.oakridgecentre.co.uk/page/562/NEWS-OAKRIDGE-DEVELOPS-PROGRAMME-TO-MANAGE-WORK-PLACE-PRESSURE.htm)

I noticed I was feeling this way about 2 months ago.  I was stressed at work, I was stressed at home, my friends were stressed, my husband was stressed, everywhere I looked there was stress and more stress.  I believed I was prepared for this, though.  I had a vacation scheduled for the future, I had a plan for when I was going to work out, my stress-relief plan was all set.  

What actually happened?  Answer:  for two weeks, I tried to follow my plan.  What actually got done on the plan: work and sleeping.  I did not do any of my stress relieving activities.  For these two weeks, I berated myself for not working out/following the stress relief plan.  AKA on top of the stress I was already feeling, I was adding guilt-stress because I was not following my own plan!

I realized this and allowed myself to be okay that I was not working out.  

I lost 7 pounds in two weeks. 

I'm sure this weight loss without working out will not continue forever and there is a great likelihood that I'm losing muscle mass instead of fat ... but what a relief, none-the-less.  AND: what a testament to the power of one's attitude.  

Therefore, today instead of asking yourself what is your workout plan or what are you going to do to relieve the stress in your life, I encourage you to check in on your attitude/your frame of mind.  

Are you giving yourself any grace as you try to shed those last few pounds?  If not, I encourage you to do so.  

Disclaimer:  I am not advocating not working out.  If you want some good ideas for what to do in times of stress, I encourage you to check out the websites where the pictures were found.  There is a lot of good (and bad) advice about how to handle stress on the internet.  If you need it, I encourage you to do some research and try out what works for you.  

Thank you Mission Gathering!

At Mission Gathering Church this past Sunday, I had the great honor of hearing the blogger and friend-to-the-LGBTQ-community, John Shore, speak.  You can check out what John has to say at his blog:  johnshore.com.  I was also blessed with the opportunity to preside over the communion table.

All I want to say in this post is THANK YOU!!!

Thank you to Colby and Kate Martin, Rich McCullen, and James Leinhart for trusting me to help lead this amazing community of Christian believers that we call Mission Gathering.

Thank you, Mission Gathering, for accepting Jeremy and I into your loving arms on a weekly basis with hugs, words of affirmation, love and, of course, coffee.

Thank you to the people of Mission Gathering.  The people at Mission Gathering are a blessing to God.  The love they have for each other, their community, and their world is apparent in every service.  Mission Gathering is a place where all are welcome.  All are welcome to worship, all are welcome to question, all are welcome to marry, all are welcome to come as they are, and all will see that they are loved by God.

Thank you, Mission Gathering Church, for being accepting.  I know, I know, Mission Gathering is not only a "gay church", but who would have blamed you if you had chosen to be a "gay church"?  I know I wouldn't have.  But you accepted my husband and I and you gave us a place to worship.  You have shown my husband and I how to live more fully in community with each other, with other Christians, and with God.  You have given me a more full picture of the love that Jesus Christ pointed to through his life, death and resurrection.

For all this and more, Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

Top 10 Wedding Tips

Everyone knows that there may be nothing more exciting and stressful than planning a wedding.  As a trained therapist and a married woman, I thought I would provide some tips on making it from the planning stages to the big day.  While this list is written mainly from a female perspective, I think it can help more than just future brides.

Top 10 tips for Wedding Planning and a Fun Wedding

10. If going to a bridal show, take labels with you. Those labels you get every year from AAA or other companies will work great.  These will save you time and prevent hand cramps.

9. If at such a show, when vendors start to talk to you and you don't want to chat tell them you have a best friend who is going to do that service or that you're having a destination wedding.  Don't forget to enter every give away you can.  

8. Do not assume you know what dress you will like - that style dress that you never think you will like may be the dress that you put on and fall in love with.

7.  Consider a wedding planner or a day of planner. The day of should be a day of fun, not a day of worry for those involved.

6.  Bridesmaids - bring a "day of kit" - and Kleenex.

 

5.  Be prepared to answer the question, "when are you having children?"  Discuss this answer with your fiancé ahead of time. 

4.  Go to pre-marital counseling or ask a counselor friend to put some activities/questions together for you to do. The more you know about each other the better.

3. Relax. Inevitably something will go unplanned and sometimes it is that unplanned thing that will be what brings a smile to your face when you think back to that wonderful day.

 

2. Have open communication with your spouse.  Find out what aspects of your wedding your spouse cares about.  Remember, everyone will have an opinion about your wedding (your mom, dad, grandma, best friend, sister, mom's best friend, etc) ... Determine early whose opinion you care about and imagine healthy ways to handle everyone else's opinions. 

1. Have fun! Laugh, cry, celebrate and most of all support each other. A wedding is a community coming together to bless two people who are saying that they're choosing to live in community together.  Is there anything more beautiful than that?